Wine + freezer + forgetting you put the wine in the freezer to chill = popped cork wine slushy mess
Banning little boys from all things technology related causes them to remember how to be little boys
THIS is what 100 calories of Easter candy looks like:
The idea that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is a total lie. The Cadbury Mini-Eggs pictured above taste JUST as good. I just won't be tasting the whole stinkin' bag anymore.
I have been to San Diego every year for the past 15 years and I think I love it more each time.
Matt and I have been together for exactly HALF my lifetime.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure.
There is no pain worse than stepping on a Lego barefoot.
Grant's bed head is the best.
Trucks were meant for girls
When the youngest child finally corners you wanting the truth about Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny it is overwhelmingly bittersweet and TOTALLY FREAKIN' LIBERATING!
Sometimes I like the cats.
The book is always better than the movie with only 2 (or 4, depending on how you look at it) possible exceptions: LOTR and The Hobbit.
Lastly, there's nothing better than an 8 year old in thermal underwear running through the house screaming, "Don't take pictures of me in my thermal imagers!!!"
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Jaden: ...and at Carter's party the other night we all drank a WHOLE lot of water bottles so we could see if watching scary movies would really make us pee our pants!!
Kidspeak
Me: Grant, take those two candies to the kitchen and eat them there...NOT in the basement!
Grant: Ok Mom!
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP (footsteps on the basement stairs)
Me: Grant! Bring them back up here NOW!
Grant: What?!...how did you even KNOW?!!
Kidspeak
Grant (screaming from the shower): MOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!
Me (flying like a crazy-woman through the house to save the dying child): OMG! WHAT'S WRONG?!
Grant: Is a Daddy Long-Legs an insect or arachnid?
Kidspeak
From some random conversation:
Jaden: Yeah Mom....zombies are like girls.
Me: How's that?
Jaden: Well, they travel in packs.
Kidspeak
Me: Go back and wash your hands with soap!
Grant: I did! But I couldn't find any soap so I used my toothpaste instead.
Kidspeak
On the way home from school the other day...
Jaden: Oh! I want THAT house over there!
Grant: Why? It's ugly.
Jaden: Because the yard is full of goats.
Me: What are you going to do with a bunch of goats?
Jaden: Wrestle them!
Kidspeak
Matt brings home paper for the printer last night...
Grant: Mom LOOK! Dad brought home a whole LOAF of paper!!
Kidspeak
Jaden:
(after posing for a picture while wearing my cute strappy shoes w/ the 3 inch wedge heels)
Mom, I know this is kinda weird, but I'm having this strange compulsion for you to post that on Facebook now.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Hey Mom....I think my toothpaste makes me toot.
Kidspeak
Me: Jaden! Get back in the shower and use SOAP this time!
Jaden: WHAT? How do you KNOW these things??!
Me: *evil mommy laugh*
Kidspeak
Playing Sonic Sega Racers with Grant....
Matt: I'm so gonna beat you, you're toast!
Grant: Whatever, I like toast.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?
Grant: Green!
Kidspeak
Grant: Mom, I wish I had a gold tooth. I'm going to ask Santa for one.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Hey Grandma! We went to El Chico the other day and I had to go to the potty to, you know. So when I sat down and closed the door I saw this writing. I had to turn my head a little to read it and it said, "You are now pooping at a 40 degree angle" !!
Grandma: (laughing so hard she's falling out of the chair)
Kidspeak
J: Grant, I hope you didn't steal those, 'cause if you did you could get thrown in judy.
G: What's judy?
J: Jail for kids!
Kidspeak
As I'm walking out after tucking our insomniac into bed for the 3rd time...
Jaden: Mom, can I have another hug?
Me: Do you promise you'll stay in your bed and not get up again for any reason?
Jaden: Yes...I promise. But what if I'm bleeding profusely?
Kidspeak
Me: Ow! This sunburn really hurts!
Jaden: Mom, I'm beginning to really wish you had used sunblock.
Me (hearing his irritation): Yeah, I guess I'll stop complaining now and just remember the sunblock next time.
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