Saturday, October 2, 2010


As a child I believed in all things spritely and mythical including Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. But as an adult I've come to realize the sinister truth....that somewhere in this realm of being there exists an invisible creature that silently steals away your hip and unfathomably cool youth leaving plain ol' grown-up thoughts and ideas in its place. Sneaky little SOB. And what's worse is that this creature isn't even courteous enough to leave a shiny quarter under your pillow so you know it's been there. No, it leaves you be-bopping along, blasting Metallica in your iPod, thinking you're hip-ness couldn't get any hipper. Then one day it slaps you upside the head when you realize your hip-ness actually got hippier (as in your favorite jeans will no longer zip up). And on this same day you also realize that your Metallica playlist contains "classic" tunes because "Gonerrhea" by Lil' Wayne is ranking on the top 10 downloads list on iTunes and your music no longer even makes the top 200. This. Is. It. This is the moment you realize that you are 100%-without-a-doubt the grown-up and clueless 35 year-old you dreaded becoming when you were 15. And you're okay with that realization because what human being possessing a fully developed brain would think Gonerrhea was a good song title?? (The guy didn't even spell it right for crying-out-loud)

So. In answer to your question, yes. Of course I clicked on it. Stop judging me. You know you're curious too. And it actually is as raunchy as it sounds. Worse probably. I was fumbling for the pause button about 8 seconds into the preview just in case a munchkin had snuck out of bed and was quietly listening around the corner. Seriously!!! When did it become okay, no, not okay, but COOL to say these words and sing about such explicit things in music??! Is this what my parents thought about Metallica? Is this what their parents thought about the Beatles? It's times like these when I just want to pack my family up, move to Tahiti, and spend our days worshiping jellyfish and learning to surf.

Life in America is tricky. It's clearly the best place on the planet to live, yet it comes with a price. Freedom and prosperity are amazing gifts, but oh how easily they could fold over on themselves and bring everything crashing down.