Playoff Season
1 week ago
Thursday, November 24, 2011
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Jaden: Mom, can I go with you to the cemetery today?
Kidspeak
Jaden: ...and at Carter's party the other night we all drank a WHOLE lot of water bottles so we could see if watching scary movies would really make us pee our pants!!
Kidspeak
Me: Grant, take those two candies to the kitchen and eat them there...NOT in the basement!
Grant: Ok Mom!
THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP (footsteps on the basement stairs)
Me: Grant! Bring them back up here NOW!
Grant: What?!...how did you even KNOW?!!
Kidspeak
Grant (screaming from the shower): MOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!
Me (flying like a crazy-woman through the house to save the dying child): OMG! WHAT'S WRONG?!
Grant: Is a Daddy Long-Legs an insect or arachnid?
Kidspeak
From some random conversation:
Jaden: Yeah Mom....zombies are like girls.
Me: How's that?
Jaden: Well, they travel in packs.
Jaden: Yeah Mom....zombies are like girls.
Me: How's that?
Jaden: Well, they travel in packs.
Kidspeak
Me: Go back and wash your hands with soap!
Grant: I did! But I couldn't find any soap so I used my toothpaste instead.
Kidspeak
On the way home from school the other day...
Jaden: Oh! I want THAT house over there!
Grant: Why? It's ugly.
Jaden: Because the yard is full of goats.
Me: What are you going to do with a bunch of goats?
Jaden: Wrestle them!
Kidspeak
Matt brings home paper for the printer last night...
Grant: Mom LOOK! Dad brought home a whole LOAF of paper!!
Kidspeak
Jaden:
(after posing for a picture while wearing my cute strappy shoes w/ the 3 inch wedge heels)
Mom, I know this is kinda weird, but I'm having this strange compulsion for you to post that on Facebook now.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Hey Mom....I think my toothpaste makes me toot.
Kidspeak
Me: Jaden! Get back in the shower and use SOAP this time!
Jaden: WHAT? How do you KNOW these things??!
Me: *evil mommy laugh*
Jaden: WHAT? How do you KNOW these things??!
Me: *evil mommy laugh*
Kidspeak
Playing Sonic Sega Racers with Grant....
Matt: I'm so gonna beat you, you're toast!
Grant: Whatever, I like toast.
Matt: I'm so gonna beat you, you're toast!
Grant: Whatever, I like toast.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?
Grant: Green!
Kidspeak
Grant: Mom, I wish I had a gold tooth. I'm going to ask Santa for one.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Hey Grandma! We went to El Chico the other day and I had to go to the potty to, you know. So when I sat down and closed the door I saw this writing. I had to turn my head a little to read it and it said, "You are now pooping at a 40 degree angle" !!
Grandma: (laughing so hard she's falling out of the chair)
Kidspeak
J: Grant, I hope you didn't steal those, 'cause if you did you could get thrown in judy.
G: What's judy?
J: Jail for kids!
Kidspeak
As I'm walking out after tucking our insomniac into bed for the 3rd time...
Jaden: Mom, can I have another hug?
Me: Do you promise you'll stay in your bed and not get up again for any reason?
Jaden: Yes...I promise. But what if I'm bleeding profusely?
Kidspeak
Me: Ow! This sunburn really hurts!
Jaden: Mom, I'm beginning to really wish you had used sunblock.
Me (hearing his irritation): Yeah, I guess I'll stop complaining now and just remember the sunblock next time.
Jaden: I'd like that.
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Kidspeak
Grant: Oh my Heavens!!
Jaden: Don't say that!! That's using God's habitat in vain!!
Kidspeak
While playing in the living room...
G: ...and I'm from that place where they speak Spanish!
J: Mexico?
G: No...
J: Spain?
G: No....
J: Africa?
G: Yeah! That's it!
Who knew?
G: ...and I'm from that place where they speak Spanish!
J: Mexico?
G: No...
J: Spain?
G: No....
J: Africa?
G: Yeah! That's it!
Who knew?
Kidspeak
G: I'm never going to marry any girls.
Me: What? But then I won't get to be a grandma!
G: Oh, don't worry Mom. I might forget and accidentally get married someday.
Me: What? But then I won't get to be a grandma!
G: Oh, don't worry Mom. I might forget and accidentally get married someday.
Kidspeak
Me: I've got a gift certificate! Now me and Daddy can have a date night...woo hoo!
Jaden: Know why we're excited about that?
Me: Why?
Jaden: Because then WE get to have a parent-FREE night. Woo hoo!
Jaden: Know why we're excited about that?
Me: Why?
Jaden: Because then WE get to have a parent-FREE night. Woo hoo!
Kidspeak
Grant: Mom, why do chairs have legs but they can't run?
Kidspeak
Jaden: When are you going to be done fixing my hair???
Me: You have no patience.
Jaden: Yes I do. I'm just not using them.
Me: You have no patience.
Jaden: Yes I do. I'm just not using them.
Kidspeak
Grant: Where did Adam and Eve come from?
Matt: I think they were from Ohio.
Jaden: Nuh uh, Ohio didn't even exist until after the Westward Expansion.
Matt: .........
Matt: I think they were from Ohio.
Jaden: Nuh uh, Ohio didn't even exist until after the Westward Expansion.
Matt: .........
Kidspeak
Part of a discussion about why the Tooth Fairy didn't show up last night...
Me: Well, maybe she got sick. Everybody gets sick sometimes.
Jaden: No Mom. That can't be it. If she was sick she would've gotten a substitute.
Me: Well, maybe she got sick. Everybody gets sick sometimes.
Jaden: No Mom. That can't be it. If she was sick she would've gotten a substitute.
Kidspeak
Jaden while watching the Alamo Bowl: Hey Mom...Howzabout you rustle us up some popcorn.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Mom, can you really change your name when you turn 13? That's what Erin says...
Me: I don't know. I'm sure you could when you're 18. Why?
Jaden: Cause I'm going to. But until then could you just call me Venom?
Grant: And call me Entrance!
Kidspeak
Jaden: Guess what?! I know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me and Matt: What?
Jaden: A BFF!
Me: A Best Friend Forever?
Jaden (puzzled): No! BFF. It's like, one of those police guys. Maybe it's FBB. Wait!! I know! It's FBI!!
Kidspeak
On the way to church...
Me: Uh, I'm not going to a cemetery today.
Jaden: Yes you are. You know, the place where everybody sings Jesus songs.
Me: Ah. The sanctuary?
Jaden: Yeah!
Kidspeak
Grant (in his best singing voice): Weeeeeeee're OFF to see the Lizard!! The wonderful Lizard of Oz!
Kidspeak
Grant: Will you play with me?
Me: Sure...what do you want to play?
Grant: Let's pretend that you're the mommy and I'm your son!
Kidspeak
Grant (referring to his LEGO creation): "Mom! Look at the commander of my ship! He's freaky. AND he can turn into a duck!"
Kidspeak
J: Mom, does knicknack start with an N?
Me: No, I think it starts with a K.
J: K? Oh! That's a ghost-letter digraph!
Me: uh.....
Kidspeak
J: So Grant, what are you going to be when you grow up?
G: A witch doctor!!
J: Really?
G: No, I'm just kidding. I'm going to be what you're going to be when you grow up.
J: What's that?
G: A mad scientist!
Kidspeak
Grant (to his brother): Hey! I have a great idea! Let's put a Pork-a-potty in the back yard!
Kidspeak
Matt: Hey Grant, what's your favorite food?
Grant: No Daddy...first ask me what's my favorite drink!
Matt: Okay. What's your favorite drink?
Grant: Coke Zero, Coke, and Nutella!
Kidspeak
Grant: Mommy, can I have a pan-way-lo?
Me: A what?
Grant: A pan-way-lo.
Me: A what??
Grant: A pan-way-lo!
Me:
Grant (exasperated and pointing): THIS Mommy...
Me: A kleenex? OH! A panuelo! You're speaking Spanish!
Grant (still exasperated): Of course I am!
kidspeak
Me: Hey you two...where are you going?
Jaden: Outside!
Me: But it's 32 degrees, snowing, you're missing one sock and you don't have any pants on!
Jaden: So?
Me: sigh
Kidspeak
Me: Hey Jaden! Will you...
Jaden: Not now, Mom. I'm reading!
Me:
Kidspeak
Jaden: Never trust children. Only trust grandmothers because they are fully trained.
Kidspeak
Grant (in response to the awful look on my face): It's okay, Mommy. I'm just washing my hands with my spit!
Kidspeak
In reference to the coaches after leaving flag football class at the community center:
Jaden: I think the tan guy's name was Ryan but I'm not sure what the brown guy's name was.
Me (silently giggling): Well, maybe next week you could go introduce yourself and ask him his name.
Jaden (chastising): Now, Mom, you know I'm really not into that kind of stuff.
Kidspeak
Jaden: Hey Mom...when's breakfast? I'm Starvin' Marvin!
Grant: Yeah! And I'm full of prunes!!
Kidspeak
Grant: Mom, my tummy's not hungry for breakfast. My arms just want to play the Wii.
KidSpeak
Setting: Women's bathroom at World Market with 2 little boys who desperately need to 'go', one of whom is an emerging reader.
Jaden -- "Napkin. Hey Mom! You can buy napkins in here! I need a quarter!"
1 comment:
Makes perfect sense to me!!! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.
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