Diagnosis

Littleboyitis -- a condition commonly known to afflict mothers of ornery little boys. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, headache, nausea, back pain, extreme fatigue, sudden and acute loss of sanity, and heart palpitations. Currently there is no known cure for Littleboyitis. Symptoms can be controlled through the administration of fermented grape juices, tropical vacations, and in extreme cases, tranquilizer darts.

These are two known organisims that cause Littleboyitis...

Case #1 -- Yesterday morning Grant was playing in the backyard when after some time I realize he was being TOO quiet. So I went to check on him and found him in the alley. Gack!! Bear in mind that the gate to the alley is padlocked, so not only can he locate the keys, but he can also operate the lock. Dear Lord...

Me: Grant!! WHAT are you doing out here??

G: Mom, look! I found an alley cat!!

Me: Whaaaaat? Get back in here! The alley is dangerous!

G: But Mom, I'm trying to catch it so we can have a pet! I almost had it 'til you scared it away!

Me: (string of muttered profanities and lots of head shaking)


Case #2 -- The boys' Papa is an avid outdoorsman and hunter. I have the deer jerky and wild pig sausage in my freezer to prove it. Each year Papa, Matt, and the boys take their annual Boys Only camping trip as well as other assorted hunting/hiking excursions to the lease to stomp in the dirt, pee on the cacti, and engage in other manly adventures. On one such occasion, some years back, Papa discovered an aoudad (pronounced OW-dad) skull. A real-life, sun-bleached, dead-critter SKULL. Okay, except an aoudad isn't really a critter. It's a full sized sheep-like animal imported from Africa. And it's dead skeleton head has been hanging on my fence in the backyard ever since. I came to terms with this sometime ago and truly, I don't even notice it anymore.

So, back to Grant. After the cat incident, I re-padlocked the back gate, put the keys on a really high shelf, and went back to what I was doing. Sometime later, the backdoor slams and...

G: Hey, Mom! I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is I found this pretty leaf and it's for YOU!

Me: Oh, thanks buddy! And the bad news?

G: Well, you better just come look.

He took me out into the back yard to show me this...

Me: Um, what happened exactly?

G: I was trying to get a tooth out.

Me: With that baseball bat over there?

G (dejected): Yeah. But it didn't work.

Me: Why did you want to get a tooth out?

G (mischievous grin): I was gonna see if the Tooth Fairy would notice that it wasn't mine.


Case #3 -- Littleboyitis often flares without warning. Observe the two adorable specimens below, decked out in their Easter duds, happily hunting eggs.

Suffice it to say, this Kodak moment ended in a fist fight over a golden egg.


Fortunately for most, Littleboyitis is a bi-polar type condition. It certainly is for me anyway. I'll often find myself 'muttering profanities' only to be laughing out loud at any number of little-boy-shenanigans moments later.

I've always said that God made 'em cute in order to ensure their survival.